Monday 25 November 2013

I sense a crack in the space time continuum

Sorry about the title. I suppose that's what happens when you watch too much Doctor Who. He/it's been going for 50 years believe it or not. I was but a slip of a girl when it started but I do remember my little brother hiding behind the sofa when the scary bits came on. I was 12 and grown up enough to help get the Christmas presents ready for the younger children who still ' believed'. My parents had bought a big, plastic dalek for my brother. It was big enough for him to get into and walk around the house, wiggling the sink plunger thingy at the front, talking in a strange alien voice and crashing into the furniture. He declared it his best present ever. In those distant days I thought my mom and dad knew everything there was to know. Whatever problem we children had they could sort it out. Whatever question I had they knew exactly what to say. I know now how lucky I was to have such a solid family around me. How comforting it was to have them to rely on. When did all that change? When did the balance shift? Mom, now 85, saves all her official letters for me these days. She gives me all the forms that need filling in, me who has hardly ever filled in a form in my life. I'm been married to an accountant for almost 40 years, why on earth would I fill forms in for goodness sake! I am torn between feeling flattered that she thinks I know what to do and bewildered that I'm the one supposed to have the answers these days. It's not just the older generation looking to me for answers either. I pity poor Laura when she asks me for advice about babies. I seem to have forgotten everything I ever knew. I can't remember when a baby gets their teeth, speaks their first words or begins to walk. Was it so long ago I can't recall or have I blanked it all from my memory because I was so useless at the time? I recently found the baby book you're supposed to keep all this information in. It was for my younger daughter and yes, there were a few entries. It records the dates of her immunisations and mentions that she had half a banana at 4 months. Beyond that momentous occasion there's nothing. Was I so overwhelmed by the responsibilities of motherhood that I had no time to write a brief note or didn't we feed her again after that? I don't think we were so neglectful that we left our children to forage for themselves but who knows? It's a miracle they have turned out as well as they have!

This all sounds very self obsessed. I suspect the introspection has been brought on because I'm now a grandmother. There's a new innocent and trusting little soul relying not just her mom and dad but her wider family too. She's the most precious gift and I can't begin to explain how much we love her but it's unsettling when you realise you are now the grown up and everyone expects you to act like one!

10 comments:

  1. What a great post....in the end...there's nothing like being a grand parent! There will always be that bond between you and your grand child! Something I did start when our first was born...each BD I write a letter telling what we did that year or what they did that year. Each letter is in an envelope with the date on it...they are stored in a metal container so when each grand child turns 18 or 21 (whichever we decide is best!) they can open and read each year letter from their grandma robbie!! Just something to think about...

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  2. Ah...yes. I remember being in that place where suddenly -- or so it seemed -- my competent mother could no longer do various kinds of paperwork etc. And after she and my mother-in-law died (their husbands were gone too), realizing that I was the 'elder' now. My children have yet to reproduce; no matter -- I don't remember much about their early years either and like you, their 'baby books' are woefully incomplete!

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  3. Dear Robbie - I love your idea of writing a letter each year. I think I might try to do something similar.

    Hi Margaret, I'm pleased to hear I'm not the only mother hopeless at keeping baby records. BTW it's not that mom isn't capable - rather that she sees it as my job now!

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  4. Ah, I am with you on this in so many ways. I often said the best thing about my children was that they survived me and forgave me and grew into compassionate, honest adults in spite of me! And I've been sorting through the closets and weeding out--again--and there are those undone baby books. Just enough in them to make me hesitant to toss them out. A lovely post as we near the solstice, a demarcation of sorts.

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  5. When I heard my granddaughter was on the way 10 years ago, I thought I would keep a journal with entries written to her, but I let it drop and did not do it. Now I wish I had. I SO agree that it seems at this point in life everyone "needs" me just as much - if not more - than they did when kids were little and parents were young. But that's OK!
    Janet in Tennessee

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  6. Like you I suddenly realised that I was the 'grown up' when my mum's failing health meant that I had to make all the decisions, look after her affairs and run her bank account. I was her youngest child and always assumed that someone else would do it, as I was the only girl and she lived with us I guess I should have realised! I loved her to bits though and miss her like mad, there is no-one quite like mum.
    I too have my first grandchild, Oscar - fifteen months old and and coming to stay for Christmas (with his mum and dad) I can't wait and feel very blessed. We are wondering how to keep him from climbing the Christmas tree though!

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  7. Giggling. Thanks for the smiles!

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  8. don't worry! babies are like bicycles, you remember as you go and they are more forgiving! what matters is the love you pour into the little darling not how well you diaper them(though that gets messy if done to loose;)
    besides growing up is overrated!
    oo-wee-ooh-wee ooh!

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  9. Looks like my latest post stuck a chord with so many of you. Thanks to everyone for leaving a comment - I have loved them all. BTW, Amelie has already pulled the Christmas tree over on top of herself so if you have a little one around at Christmas you might be advised to tie the tree to the wall with string as Laura has now done!

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